Nothing Is Happening

Nothing is happening, is it?
Shop for food, carefully,
And go to the pharmacy.
We call it the chemist here.

Exercise is permitted once a day
But stay close to your home.
Run around your garden
Or possibly your yard.

You can visit the petrol station,
That’s gas, if you aren’t British.
Though if you are American
You’d say I’m English.

It isn’t quite accurate.
But in the circumstances
English is close enough.
Nothing is happening, is it?

No Answer

I scream and cry,
Tearing at my clothes.
I cover my face
With hands already wet.

I turn to the sky
And shout to him, accusing.
“My God, my God!
Why have you done this to me?”

There is no answer.

This is a guest post, a memory of DB. If you are in despair too then please don’t keep it within. You cannot heal alone. Talk to your family, your friends, anyone you trust. Believe me, it will get a little easier for you as the years pass.

Valium And Vodka

She’s crying at midnight.
Sick with loss,
Crying for sleep.

Crying for sleep,
The only way out
Is valium and vodka.

The day is no longer young.
Sick with tears she awakes,
Nothing has changed.

Nothing has changed
And all that’s left
Is valium and vodka.

Let Me Show You Something

Sorry it’s rather dark in here.
I’ve opened the curtains
But it’s always raining.

What’s that you tell me?
You remember this place.
Hasn’t changed much, has it?

No, things don’t change,
They just fade a little
And the loss remains.

You can’t change anything here.
Leave the door ajar, visit any time.
This room is your past.

 

It’s brighter in here.
See, hear, touch.
Details fill your senses.

What’s that you ask me?
Of course you can move things,
You are in control here.

Change what you like.
Choose new colours
For your pleasure, your delight.

This is where you live.
Leave both doors open.
This room is your present.

 

Be careful where you step,
There could be anything here
And I don’t want you to get hurt.

Why are you surprised?
Everything keeps moving
and you haven’t touched a thing.

This is hope, anticipation.
A dream where you decide
What will happen next.

Open the curtains,
Dawn is breaking.
This room is your future.

You Think It’s Over

You think it’s over
But you’re wrong.
Your eyes light up,
You are still strong.

Your brilliant mind
Is still alive.
Don’t waste your years,
Recall that drive.

I see your light
And know you’re strong.
You think it’s over
But you’re wrong.

 

With gratitude to my muse,  whose love and light sustain me.

Time Has Written On Your Face

Time has written on your face
Every story, every graze
Time is written in your eyes
All the wrongs and all the rights

Don’t shut me out, I won’t let you down
There’s no need to keep it all inside

Whenever your world suddenly comes down
When all your hopes and dreams are gone
When silence swallows your every thought
When you get lost in the dark, I’ll be your dawn

“Your Dawn” Lyrics © Solis & Sean Truby w. Ultimate & Stine Grove

Gali Clocks


Time, the most precious commodity. Every day there’s a choice for you to make.

You can have money again but you can never have that time again. Choose wisely.

Shona x

 

Loneliness

The hours come first.
Pretending I will heal
Today or tomorrow.
Wounding loneliness.

Days add up.
Seven make a week.
A week alone.
Bitter loneliness.

Weeks pile upon weeks.
Four weeks more
Is another month.
Crushing loneliness.

Months are fragments.
The jigsaw of time
That forms my years.
Burning loneliness.

 

Please don’t let loneliness win. Go out, meet people, make friends.
Yes, it’s hard. Sure, you have no energy and I know it didn’t work out last time you tried.
It’s still not too late. Do it now. This time it will be different.

Above all, be kind to yourself.

Shona x

I’ve Been There

I have friends, lots of them. I’m lucky and I know it. Some of my friends are male and some are female. Many are straight, others are LGBTX. A few are wealthy, others eke out a living. It really doesn’t matter because regardless of gender, sexuality, wealth or anything else no-one is immune to the cold, heavy hand of depression.

Depression is real, too real. It can be cruel, selfish and destructive. Depression is the heartless thief that steals your hope, your energy, your love. Depression sneaks in through the back door, it creeps up on you and lays that clammy hand on your shoulder. Pressing down, it chills and stifles. Now nothing makes you feel good. There’s no joy. Life has no colour, no taste.

There is fear. Fear of mental illness, fear of the future, fear of the self. And there’s loss, so much loss. Family, success, love, hope: in the fog of depression all these fade to nothing. You need help and companionship, you need a friend but not just anyone will do. You want to reach out but what will you find? Some friends will say “Oh, you’re depressed? Snap out of it!” What use is that? None at all.

You’re in a dark place, a terrible unfeeling world. In this place there is you, miserable and alone. Everyone else is happy and carefree. Don’t be fooled, depression is incredibly common. Those carefree, smiling friends may not be as happy as you believe. Don’t be afraid, connect with someone now. Her eyes will be knowing, she’ll nod sagely. “It’s ok,” she’ll say, “I’ve been there.”

Falling In Love Again

Our life is a journey through love and pain, light and darkness. The path of life twists and turns. What lies around the next corner? We cannot know until we reach it.

We must travel in hope, have courage in the face of disappointment. Some of us are just setting off, others have journeyed long and seen our hopes dashed again and again. Divorce, depression, loneliness may all take their toll but you are still here and it’s far too soon to say “I’m finished.”

Recognise the immense value of all that you have experienced. You have trusted and been betrayed, loved and lost. Was it all for nothing? No, of course it wasn’t. Each event in your life was uniquely tailored just for you. You have a bespoke collection of learning experiences that prepare you for the future, for your future.

Fiction and reality are often intertwined. We dream about our future, imagine how we would wish it to be. Like Abbey in Coffee In Castillo, we realise that unless we follow our hearts and pursue our fantasies then we cannot hope to build the future of our dreams.

So hold your head up high, throw those shoulders back, thrust your chest out. Show the world that you are still in business, ready to face life’s challenges. Please believe me, it is not too late to fall in love again.