I Lied

I lied.

Lied to myself
When I said he loved me.

Lied to the world
When I said I was happy.

Lied to my diary
When I said it was good.

Lied to my heart
When I said it was right.

Lied to my soul
When I said he was mine.

Lied to him too
When I said I loved him.

I lied.

Two Years Of Love

ONE

I hold my glass,
Sitting on the bench.

A review of the important things:
Lovers, conflicts, mistakes, regrets.

It’s summer solstice, the longest day.
Last year I had hope.

I lift my glass
And realise this is the low point.

TWO

I hold my glass,
Sitting on the bench.

A review of the important things:
Lovers, friends, success, satisfaction.

It’s summer solstice again.
Last year I had no hope.

I lift my glass
And realise that my life is good.

A New Chapter

Inspired by a scene from Coffee In Castillo

Back on the street side,
Into sunlight’s warm caress.
At once feeling unhurried,
Time to have coffee.

Round tables in a little café,
Hugging under bright umbrellas
That flap and fuss
In hazed summer breeze.

This Spanish afternoon
Is late, with empty chairs
Except one man.
She hadn’t noticed him.

Her eyes compelled.
Lifting a cup to drink
He moves, a subtle glance.
Does he see her?

Looking down she hides,
Demurely watches his hands.
One holds an open book,
The other finds a slim cigar.

He turns to face her,
Sunglasses lifted.
Intelligent eyes light
A well-tanned face.

He says hello.
Embarrassed gasp,
Her reply fumbles
An apology, brushed aside.

His smile disarms,
She sits with him.
Small talk starts
A new chapter.

She’s Beautiful

She’s beautiful
But he can’t see.

Soulful eyes,
Her face delight.
Honeyed voice
Of caramel.

Confident yet sensitive,
Knows her mind
And stands her ground.
I can see she’s beautiful.

He sees her eyes
But not her soul,
Hears her words
In monotone.

He’s brazen and insensitive,
Can’t know her mind
Or share her world.
Unfulfilled she waits.

He takes her when
He’s minded to,
Neglects her love
In days between.

She’s beautiful
But he can’t see.

Connected

I take his hand, pull him close,
Hug him, ask for more.

I’m feeling very huggy today,
I tell him and his eyes smile.

I have to go now, he says,
You can have lots of hugs later.

His hand slips from mine,
Yet we are still connected.

The Wind Blows

The wind blows over England.

Clouds, dark, threaten the land.
Rain falls, the people hide.

The wind blows over England.

Clouds part, tear open ragged blue.
Sun warms, the people smile.

The wind blows over my world.

Clouds, dark, threaten me.
Rain falls, miserable I hide.

The wind blows over my world.

Clouds part, tear open lighting me.
Love comes, I smile again.

I’m Going For A Walk, He Said

I’m going for a walk, he said.

The usual route? I asked.
I don’t know, but probably.
Thank you, see you soon.

What did he thank me for?
Sharing my home, a place for him,
A refuge when he’s lost.

He shares my home but not my bed,
Breaks away from my embrace.
I am the fool, I am the clown.

I guess he’s halfway round by now.
Walking through the woods,
Listing all my faults aloud.

Do I really want him back,
For loveless hugs and soulless chat?
Perhaps he won’t return this time.

I’m going for a walk, he said.

Rambling, twisted and tortuous thoughts,
painful to think, tough to read.

Image © 2018 Shona Silverman.

You’ll Come To Me

I need something to focus on,
In the future, not too long.
I dream of love, wait for the one
To keep me going, make me strong.

The precious years are passing me,
But I’m not wishing time away.
I live alone, no-one to see,
I could just book a holiday.

Imagine two weeks in the sun,
I’ll write it in my diary.
Beach and pool with night-time fun,
Perhaps by then you’ll come to me.

He Waits For Me

I watch TV, he waits for me.
I want to be back there.

I send a message on my phone,
I might be coming round.

I can’t be sure, I have to wait,
Is that ok with you?

Of course it is, he lies barefaced,
Come over when you can.

I hate to keep him holding on,
It’s such a silly game.

I wish the demons wouldn’t fight
A war waged in my head.

They tie me down with ropes unseen,
He must not see my shame.

I watch TV at night and wait
To go back there again.

A companion piece to Waiting For Him.

Waiting For Him

I watch TV and wait for him,
Maybe he’ll come tonight.

The actors move and speak in turn,
It’s clean and tidy, no mistakes.

A message on my phone tells me
He might be coming round.

He can’t be sure, he has to wait,
Is that ok with me?

Of course it is, I lie barefaced,
Come over when you can.

Real life is never clean and tidy,
No-one waits in turn.

It’s messy and confusing,
I am powerless in this game.

So I just watch TV at night
And wait for him to come.

A companion piece to He Waits For Me.

 

Time To Reflect

Allow yourself time to reflect,
A chance to review your world.

It doesn’t matter where you are,
Or who might be watching.

They cannot hear your thoughts,
Or perceive your desires.

No-one is a mind-reader,
Despite what they might wish.

On the train the world slips past,
It passes by your window.

Life is your journey,
A dream passing before your eyes.

Remember as you travel
The ones you love, the ones you lost.

Allow yourself a chance,
While there’s still time to reflect.

The Tale Of The Odd-Legged Goat

She once heard that the mountain goat
Has longer legs on left or right.
To make life easy on the slope,
It isn’t true, not even might.

She also heard it’s winter time
When flu attacks and weakens you.
Although she fell for that old line,
Odd-legged goats are just as true.

Listless, fevered, feeling blue,
Headache matched by her sore throat.
She now believes in summer flu,
But not odd legs on some old goat.

Your Perfect Lover

Imagine your perfect lover.

Let’s start with the basics, shall we?
Height first. Let me guess… taller than you.
Dark skin. Mmm, that’s always romantic.
Picture his body, make it as you like.

Now look up into his eyes.
Are they green, brown or blue?
You are the conjurer, creating your fantasy.
Colour his hair, hear his voice, smell his skin.

Your shopping list is complete.
Tonight he walks into your life.
Taller than you, dark skin, just like your dream.
You imagined this man and now he’s here.

Talk to him, watch him, feel him.
Now tell me, is he really what you want?
Doubt creeps in, the fantasy fades.
I think you forgot some things.

You never said he should be intelligent,
A practical man, caring and creative.
Confident, sensitive and considerate.
It’s time to start again.

Now imagine your perfect lover.

Affection Rejection

Affection rejection.
How I wish I could read his mind.
Why does he love me for a week
Then turn away, rejecting affection?

Daring caring.
I hug him and I pull him close,
Caress his shoulders, kiss his cheek.
To win him back I dare to care.

Passion ration.
If I could understand his ways,
Regain his trust, find what I seek.
Enough now of rationing passion.

Wear despair.
I lay myself out in front of him
He looks away, rejection bleak.
Dressed again, I am wearing despair.

Mourn forlorn.
I reason it’s his changing moods
But it’s my fault, I am too weak.
Forlorn of hope, I mourn.

Hiding Place

He walks ahead,
My pace too slow.

Rising track
From forest dark.

Bird song lines
A sandy way.

Drained, fatigued,
The gap grows more.

Hedges bind
A hiding place.

Waiting there,
His eyes love me.

A Hint Of Summer

This morning brought
A hint of summer,
Scented on the breeze.

With shadows soft
And milky clouds,
I thought it just a tease.

This afternoon
A yellow ship
Sailed high above my head.

With shameless lies
It burned my skin,
How I had been misled!

Just a bit of fun on a surprisingly hot day in England!

Fuerteventura Wind

I run my fingers over grey bones,
Trace out skeletons that never lived.
I lift the paper’s yellowed edge,
It’s last month’s news.
My nails, dirty, broken, peel the paint
From sunburnt cars that no-one wants.
My world is black rocks and broken roads,
You will leave and I won’t care.

Image: Abandoned Construction Project, Fuerteventura.
Copyright © Shona Silverman 2014.

This Is You

Stubborn life, poverty rooted
In crumbling rock and sand.
Fierce and thorny to survive,
Waiting for the rain.

Love comes, thorns do not defend.
Beauty flowers, blushing pink
In ephemeral, fleeting delight.
Revel now, for this is you.

See The Little Things

I was washing the dishes. This time amongst the usual foamy confusion of bubbles there was something small yet special, a beautiful cluster of tiny bubbles arranged near-perfectly. In this moment I saw that it’s the unexpected little things that really matter.

Has your love ever sent you a message just to say that he still loves you, that he cares about you? Perhaps you’ve had a wordless message, his head briefly resting on your shoulder, his hair tickling your face. Such gestures might seem tiny, even insignificant. Don’t dismiss them, see the little things.

Retail Therapy

I’m feeling down,
What should I do?
I’ll buy something
In pink or blue.

I’ve got more shoes
Than I can wear,
And lingerie
Bought for a dare.

Something for me
When I’m alone…
I know, I’ll get
A nice pink phone!

You Think It’s Over

You think it’s over
But you’re wrong.
Your eyes light up,
You are still strong.

Your brilliant mind
Is still alive.
Don’t waste your years,
Recall that drive.

I see your light
And know you’re strong.
You think it’s over
But you’re wrong.

 

With gratitude to my muse,  whose love and light sustain me.

For A Moment

The clouds parted for a moment.
Sunlight through the window,
Hope swept across my world.

The clouds parted for a moment.
Laughter lit his eyes,
His smile called my heart.

The clouds parted for a moment.

 

 

A Different World

Things change. Life changes.

Yesterday, pretty artist Abbey was married. Today she is single. What will happen tomorrow? The same boring job, surely. Night after night in the tiresome company of her lazy, bickering teenage son and her grumpy, ageing mother. Loneliness under the miserable grey skies of England.

Tomorrow comes and Abbey is right, but only just. She still has that dull job but could not have guessed that it would take her on a business trip to Spain. And how could she have anticipated meeting charming expat writer Lewis there? Suave and handsome, Lewis lives in a different world. His realm is filled with light, warmth and passion. Is there room for Abbey in this place? Could this be her last chance in love?

Things are changing, quickly. Driven by her desire for love, seduced by sunlight and Lewis’ emerald eyes, Abbey braves the challenges of a strange country. She finds herself drawn inexorably deeper into his world. Compelling and charismatic, Lewis is irresistible yet unreachable. The lines of love are drawn in the sand and the battle to capture his heart begins.

Join Abbey in this heartening, nimbly-paced romance. Share her hopes and fears, her sorrow and joy. Leave the chill rain of England behind and experience the exotic heat of the Spanish summer. Laugh with the locals in a little café, mingle with colourful fiesta crowds, walk with Abbey along a lonely seashore.

Will Abbey win Lewis’ love? Can her dream become reality? The answers lie in the sultry world of Coffee In Castillo.

Green and Blue

A dream, green and blue,
of waves kissing the shore.
Warm breeze-tousled hair,
fingertips touching my face.

I loved him and he loved me,
his jade eyes searching, knowing.
I was happy for a little while
in my dream of green and blue.

 

 

 

A Little Something For You

Today I’ve got a little snippet from Coffee In Castillo for you to enjoy.

  Abbey looked straight at him and felt something odd inside her. What was it that drew her so powerfully to this man? She spent a few moments admiring his face. It was healthily tanned and well-proportioned. The light set into the terrace roof set shards of green fire blazing in his mischievous eyes. ‘Will it be sunny tomorrow? What’s the weather forecast?’ Abbey asked absent-mindedly.

  ‘Weather forecast?’ Lewis laughed softly. ‘Oh, we don’t need to listen to the forecast. It’s June now. It will be sunny every day until September.’ He paused for a minute. He used to live in England too. ‘Well, it will be like that nearly every day,’ he admitted.

  ‘It sounds just perfect.’ Abbey’s envy flickered again. ‘You must love living here.’

  ‘I like it in Spain. If I didn’t then I would not have stayed. But I don’t enjoy it when it’s hot all the time. Luckily you sometimes get a few cloudy days.’ His face brightened. ‘Oh, and of course there are the storms too, especially towards the end of the summer.’

  Lewis enjoyed the storms. Packed with emotion, they quietly waited on sultry afternoons, building and filling. Their towers grew, dark and foreboding, reaching above the mountains and finally descending, rushing down to lash Castillo. He liked the anticipation, then the release. In his books, he loved writing as if he were a storm, erecting a tower of emotion, decorating it with hope and charging it with jealousy. Then he would bring the tower crashing down, unleashing it, sweeping everything away in a tumultuous climax.

  ‘Yes, I like the storms.’ Lewis said quietly as he came back into the real world, to his terrace and the warm night and this beautiful woman. ‘More wine?’

Exhilarating, compelling, the romance continues in Coffee In Castillo.

Love: The Secret Ingredients

You have to make the best of what you’ve got.

I’ve just been making chicken stew and that sounds weird. Why would I make that? Because I had chicken, of course! I also had lots of vegetables, some garlic and a pinch of inspiration. So I’m looking forward to a delicious meal tonight and it will be all the more delightful because I know that I’ve used what I had to hand and wasted nothing. It was easy and quick, too.

We can waste even more of our time, energy and indeed money on people and relationships than we do on food. Just think of all those hours you’ve spent online or maybe in bars or some place like that, searching for the perfect mate. With just a touch of chutzpah I’m going to guess that you’ve invested a lot of resources in those efforts.

Did you find that hot and tasty special someone? I hope you did, but if not then may I suggest something? Take a few moments to reflect on all the people you already know, the ones you see at the office or maybe at your church or synagogue. How well do you really know them? Have you given them a chance to come into your life?

Perhaps it’s time to give Tinder a break and take another a look at the special ingredients that you already have.

 

Yes, judge the book by its cover!

Coffee In Castillo eBook Cover

It’s a warm summer evening in Castillo and all your friends are waiting for you in Cafetería de la Luz. Wear something cool. That lovely dress you found at the market in the old town will be just perfect!

Coffee In Castillo boasts a gorgeous new cover, just like the beautiful scenes that unfold within. It’s available now on Amazon, with a special new price of just 99p or 99c so join Abbey on her journey today!

Escape from England’s dreary grey weather. Seek love on the sun-kissed shores of Spain in the latest novel from Shona Silverman. A thought-provoking, roller-coaster ride of emotions that will keep you page-turning as each colourful vista is revealed. Make new friends, discover a world of warmth and passion that you have only dreamed of… until now.

Coffee In Castillo – heartwarming, contemporary romance that you’ll love reading.

I’ve Been There

I have friends, lots of them. I’m lucky and I know it. Some of my friends are male and some are female. Many are straight, others are LGBTX. A few are wealthy, others eke out a living. It really doesn’t matter because regardless of gender, sexuality, wealth or anything else no-one is immune to the cold, heavy hand of depression.

Depression is real, too real. It can be cruel, selfish and destructive. Depression is the heartless thief that steals your hope, your energy, your love. Depression sneaks in through the back door, it creeps up on you and lays that clammy hand on your shoulder. Pressing down, it chills and stifles. Now nothing makes you feel good. There’s no joy. Life has no colour, no taste.

There is fear. Fear of mental illness, fear of the future, fear of the self. And there’s loss, so much loss. Family, success, love, hope: in the fog of depression all these fade to nothing. You need help and companionship, you need a friend but not just anyone will do. You want to reach out but what will you find? Some friends will say “Oh, you’re depressed? Snap out of it!” What use is that? None at all.

You’re in a dark place, a terrible unfeeling world. In this place there is you, miserable and alone. Everyone else is happy and carefree. Don’t be fooled, depression is incredibly common. Those carefree, smiling friends may not be as happy as you believe. Don’t be afraid, connect with someone now. Her eyes will be knowing, she’ll nod sagely. “It’s ok,” she’ll say, “I’ve been there.”

What is he thinking?

What is he thinking
behind dark eyes?
You know him well,
or so you believe.

Last time, puzzled,
you dared to ask.
Do you love me?
No reply, of course.

Stop wondering
about his thoughts.
They are just words
you need not know.

Watch him move,
see what he does.
It doesn’t matter much
what he is thinking.

Dreaming of another world

It’s raining in England. Look out of the window, what do you see? Water dripping from the roof-tops, grey houses half-hidden in the mist.

It’s sunny in Spain. What do you see? Palm fronds nodding in the warm breeze, bright apartments bathed in sunlight.

Remember last week, when you were in Spain? You met Lewis in a little sea-front café. It was sunny and the palm trees were rustling in a gentle, warm breeze that caressed your skin. Now look again through that dreary English window, but this time dare to dream.

Writing for Love, Reading for Pleasure

I love writing, it’s as simple as that. It’s what I do every day. With my favourite music playing in the background I barely see the screen in front of me. My fingers flow over the keyboard, words stream out, my characters move, speak, dance for me.

Creating a compelling story, recording bright sun-lit days and warm starry nights is a passion in itself. I get lost for hours when I’m writing and you can share in all of this dream-time. Every twist, each nuance that channels through me into my books is always waiting for you to read.

Writing is a beautiful way for me to lose myself for hours. Reading is its heavenly counterpart and it’s my gift to you. Be my travelling companion, enjoy those gorgeous scenes now. Download your free sample of Coffee In Castillo and get reading right away. You can read the PDF on any device including your laptop, iPhone, iPad, Android tablet or mobile. Like I said, it’s my gift to you!

Shona x

Open your heart to new romance

Coffee In Castillo ~ The heartwarming romance by Shona Silverman

Things change. Life changes.

Yesterday, pretty artist Abbey was married. Today she is single. What will happen tomorrow? The same boring job, surely. Night after night in the tiresome company of her lazy, bickering teenage son and her grumpy, ageing mother. Loneliness under the miserable grey skies of England.

Tomorrow comes and Abbey is right, but only just. She still has that dull job but could not have guessed that it would take her on a business trip to Spain. And how could she have anticipated meeting charming expat writer Lewis there? Suave and handsome, Lewis lives in a different world. His realm is filled with light, warmth and passion. Is there room for Abbey in this place? Could this be her last chance in love?

Things are changing, quickly. Driven by her desire for love, seduced by sunlight and Lewis’ emerald eyes, Abbey braves the challenges of a strange country. She finds herself drawn inexorably deeper into his world. Compelling and charismatic, Lewis is irresistible yet unreachable. The lines of love are drawn in the sand and the battle to capture his heart begins.

Join Abbey in this heartening, nimbly-paced romance. Share her hopes and fears, her sorrow and joy. Leave the chill rain of England behind and experience the exotic heat of the Spanish summer. Laugh with the locals in a little café, mingle with colourful fiesta crowds, walk with Abbey along a lonely seashore.

Will Abbey win Lewis’ love? Can her dream become reality? The answers lie in the sultry world of Coffee In Castillo.